Āmār Jīvan

My Life

(from Śaraṇāgati)

(1)

āmāra jīvana, sadā pāpe rata,
nāhiko puṇyera leṣa
parere udvega, diyāchi ye koto,
diyāchi jīvere kleśa

(2)

nija sukha lāgi’, pāpe nāhi ḍori,
dayā-hīna svārtha-paro
para-sukhe duḥkhī, sadā mithya-bhāṣī,
para-duḥkha sukha-karo

(3)

āśeṣa kāmanā, hṛdi mājhe mora,
krodhī, dambha-parāyaṇa
mada-matta sadā, viṣaye mohita,
hiṁsā-garva vibhūṣaṇa

(4)

nidrālasya hata, sukārye virata,
akārye udyogī āmi
pratiṣṭha lāgiyā, śāṭhya-ācaraṇa,
lobha-hata sadā kāmī

(5)

e heno durjana, saj-jana-varjita,
aparādhi nirantara
śubha-kārya-śūnya, sadānartha-manāḥ,
nānā duḥkhe jara jara

(6)

bārdhakye ekhona, upāya-vihīna,
tā’te dīna akiñcana
bhakativinoda, prabhura caraṇe,
kore duḥkha nivedana

1) I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety and trouble.

2) I have never hesitated to perform sinful acts for my own enjoyment. Devoid of all compassion, concerned only with my own selfish interests, I am remorseful seeing others happy. I am a perpetual liar, and the misery of others is a source of great pleasure for me.

3) The material desires within the core of my heart are unlimited. I am wrathful, devoted to false pride and arrogance, intoxicated by vanity, and bewildered by worldly affairs. Envy and egotism are the ornaments I wear.

4) Ruined by laziness and sleep, I resist all pious deeds; yet I am very active and enthusiastic to perform wicked acts. For worldly fame and reputation I engage in the practice of deceitfulness. Thus I am destroyed by my own greed and am always lustful.

5) A vile, wicked man such as this, rejected by godly people, is a constant offender. I am such a person, devoid of all good works, forever inclined toward evil, worn out and wasted by various miseries.

6) Now in old age, deprived of all means of success, humbled and poor, Bhaktivinoda submits his tale of grief at the feet of the Supreme Lord.

PURPORT
by His Divine Grace
A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda

Āmāra jīvana sadā pāpe rata nāhiko puṇyera leṣa. This is a song sung by Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura in Vaiṣṇava humbleness. A Vaiṣṇava is always meek and humble. So he is describing the life of the people in general, taking himself to be one of them. He says that “My life is always engaged in sinful activities, and if you try to find out, you will not find even a trace of pious activities—only sinful activities.” And parere udvega, diyāchi ye koto, diyāchi jīvere kleśa: “I am always inclined to give trouble to other living entities. That is my business. I want to see that others are suffering, and then I enjoy.” Nija sukha lāgi’, pāpe nāhi ḍori: “For my personal sense gratification, I accept any kind of sinful activity.” Dayā-hīna svārtha-paro: “I am not at all merciful, and I see only to my personal interest.” Para-sukhe duḥkhī, sadā mithya-bhāṣī: “As such, when others are suffering I become very happy, and I am always speaking lies. Even for ordinary tbings I am accustomed to speaking lies.” Para-duḥkha sukha-karo: “And if someone is suffering, that is very pleasant to me.” Aśeṣa kāmanā, hṛdi mājhe mora: “I have got lots of desires within my heart, and I am always angry and falsely prestigious, always puffed up with false pride.” Mada-matta sadā viṣaye mohita: “I am captivated by subject matters of sense gratification, and I am almost crazy.” Hiṁsā-garva vibhūṣaṇa: “My ornaments are enviousness and false pride.” Nidrālasya hata, sukārye virata: “I am conquered by sleep and laziness, and I am always averse to pious activities.” Akārye udyogī āmi: “And I am very enthusiastic to perform impious activities.” Pratiṣṭha lāgiyā śāṭhya-ācaraṇa: “I always cheat others for my prestige.” Lobha-hata sadā kāmī: “I am conquered by greediness and always lusty.” E heno durjana saj-jana-varjita: “I am so fallen, and I have no association with devotees.” Aparādhi nirantara: “I am an offender always.” Śubha-kārya-śūnya: “In my life there is not a bit of auspicious activity”; sadānartha manāḥ: “and my mind is always attracted by something mischievous.” Nānā duḥkhe jara jara: “Therefore, at the fag end of my life I am almost invalid by all such sufferings.” Bārdhakye ekhona upāya-vihīna: “Now in my old age I have no alternative”; tā’te dīna akiñcana: “therefore by force I have now become very humble and meek.” Bhakativinoda prabhura caraṇe, kore duḥkha nivedana: “Thus Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura is offering his sad statement of his life’s activities at the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord.”